I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
