I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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