I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
40s are totally the cure
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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