So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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