Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
