Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
