i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
