I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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