I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize