and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
