Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
