new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
