my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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