So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
