I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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