My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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