i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
