Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
