I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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