So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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