3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
