Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize