It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
