so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
