Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
