Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
