you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
