Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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