i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
