Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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