Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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