went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
