woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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