Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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