I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
