how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
