Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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