I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Two words: blizzard sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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