they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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