Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
