i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
why is half of my head shaved?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
