we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize