I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
