We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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