I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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