I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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