strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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