summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
