I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
