i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
