I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
