Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
