No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
