If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize