have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
