Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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