I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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