Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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