just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
