So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found puke in my bra..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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