that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
