I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
