my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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