Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
