I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
