Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
