I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
