His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
