I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
