I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
