before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
